But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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