I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
