college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
