So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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