I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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