You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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