so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
