The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize