gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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