smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
