im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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