At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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