So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
