"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
