If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
