her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
