i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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