If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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