can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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