I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
