we have officially lost it.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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