her vagine was all disorganized.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
