This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
