i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i've created a new STD.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
