I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
