im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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