Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
