Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
