I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
