you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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