he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
