What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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