Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
