am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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