my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
