i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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