omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize