You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
