Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
