you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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