First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
