It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
