i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
