when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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