She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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