Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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