i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
