and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
