I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
