We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I accidentally burped into my bong.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize