Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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