Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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