Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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