I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
