she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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