at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize