haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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