so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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