I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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