Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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