I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
