I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
