I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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