I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
