well you can't waste a boner
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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