can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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