no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
