I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
