Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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