How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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