Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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