The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
