Someone shit on the floor
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
