I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You are a genius and a whore.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
