3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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