whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
