I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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