my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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