Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
