Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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